"What the hell?"

Some of us say it when we can't find our keys in the morning. Some of us say it when we're looking at something we can't understand...And a few of us say it just before we step into a situation we know we should probably avoid. But for one reason or another, that little tiny voive inside speaks up just as you're about to move out of harms way and says something like: "If you walk away now, what does that make you?"

So you say to yourself, 'what the hell', and then you turn around and go through the agony that two seconds before you had been smart enough, and quick enough to avoid. That's what happened to me last night.

There was a bonfire, it was late, just me and a handful of friends sitting around talking about nothing much. Then one of them starts to get in a spat with her boyfriend [which none of us liked from the start, mind you]. It gets good and heated and I stand up at some point and ask him to take it easy. So he shoves his thumb in his mouth and blows to puff up his chest [yea, I know, but he really did that] and then he tells me to go fuck myself. Not wanting to make something out of nearly nothing, I said 'okay, sure, but you get to clean up the mess.' And I started to walk toward the car, to go home. I was about halfway to the car when I heard it, and that's why I stopped.

She had told him what he was for causing me to leave [something terribly derogatory, I'm sure] and his response to that was to smack her. Now I don't like to fight, mostly because all it does is hurt, no matter who wins. But like the jackass I am, I turned around and asked him if he's like to try that again, only, on someone his own size for a change. Now, remember, we're all huddled around a decent bonfire at this point.

So what does he do? Kicks a smoldering bunch of ash and hot coals right up into my eyes, and then bullrushes me and drops me right there on the grass. You see, this was just the sort of thing I knew I would avoid by heading to the car. Just the sort of thing I knew I could expect the moment I turned around.

Long story short, he's in the hospital for another few days, and I'm half blind and dealing with burns everywhere. Now, they'll reset his nose, stitch up those cuts, and have him up and around by tomorrow night I'm sure. So did I prove anything, did I solve anything at all by turning around? No. Would I do it again? Most likely. Why? Because, 'what the hell?' Why not? What is there to lose that doesn't get taken away by life and or age at some point anyway? Not a goddamn thing, that's what.